Palette

Am very proud to announce that after a month of studying, clicking, editing, (silently screaming), testing, amending, asking, thinking, experimenting ... our very own dot com site is finally ready!



Like a dream come true, and rather unbelievably. Knowing myself. My certain characteristic traits and lack thereof.


Like getting my hand stuck in a mouse-box. that is something you dont need your web-architect (fancy names!) to do.


OK if you are a friend and have clicked the above link, you would have see my new artwork for the next launch - PALETTE!


I love this. Actually i love my artwork in a weirdly self-deprecating manner - each time I complete one, I ooh&aah about how fantastic it is, then I look at my previous work and go WTF was I thinking and doing.
Or maybe, I should think of it as an improvement.

Today Dad-in-law saw my site and he was really supportive. said it is a nice site and it is good for us to try this out for a learning experience, regardless of whether we are earning much from it now.
A 2nd surprise reaction from him on my part.
the first being us telling him about my job switch - knowing how practical and financially-wise he is I had braced myself for his opining that I should not have been a job brat and leave the job after building up a decent portfolio and salary. I knew it would bother me cos I really respect his opinions and advice. But he said it was a good move on my part and its always good to learn new things. When I told him the pay would not be as good but would not be any bad, he told me that it is not important, especially when i cannot picture myself doing the same thing for long and not learning anything more.

I am so so so grateful for such a lovely family.

Tata.. gotta rush out my next launch..
Chiyo n Emi here trying to por a guest at my in-laws, my cousin-in-law Grace!

well

Well, i guess there are always things worth smiling for, and that's God's promise.
But we just have to see it.

I think i have to be very very very thankful for the family I married into.

Knowing myself well, and some minor not-v-nice incidents with the ex's parents, i have always doubted my ability to be a daughter-in-law worth falling heads over heels for. For one, i am quite anti-social, and with my built-up independence away from being a mammy's baby, it could become a challenge for me to build close parent-child relationships to a second family after marraige. Or maybe I am just not the type to hold a mother-in-law's hand because my mother didnt held mine.

Credit have to be given to Dan's parents because they tried to see what is beyond the surface. of perhaps a girl who sometimes miss church service cos she is too tired, though her husband's parents are pretty well-known church members. of a girl who did not help out with the chores very much back when she stayed over. Of a girl who probably does not have sweet words at the tip of her tongue to say most of the time. Of a girl who cannot really cook. And a girl who was so protective of her dogs that she was prepared to fend off any pressure to give them up, ever. and a girl who is so not prepared to give them grandchildren, yet. oh my, on my part I am kinda the equation to in-laws clashing catastrophe.

But back in those days, my mum-in-law was the one who cooked porridge when I was sick. She was the one who initiated to hold my hand once when we were hanging out at a cousin's wedding. She was the one who always asked me if she can feed treats to my dogs n if its good for them.

My dad-in law was the one who was always there to listen to my stories and work problems, and always putting things in the correct perspective, to counter my rash and impulsive assumptions. And he was never stingy with sharing the things he know and the things he have, telling us to take anything from their home, ranging from toiletries to the racks he knew would help in our business. And he was the one fending off nosey relatives' unneccesary "must have kids" talk for us, then teaching us how to handle it.

And just cos last week, when we were awing over his new streaming tv device, I was commenting on how I wanted a certain old HK show which cannot be found in shops. looking back i could have said "wa that show really nice" so much I didnt realise it. And he went to find it and bought it and passed it to me today.

And back at home Dan very happily told me "see my parents really dote on u"

Indeed.
I cant say i have done much to deserve this, so of course i should do more. I know how lucky I am.

meetz

Anger. funny how anger seems to shadow every other feeling once it exits. So destructive.

I questioned myself on my understanding of friendship. I have very few, but wonderful friends. friends to die for because they were there for me when I was down in the dumps in past relationships. I remember this friend who rounded up the rest and rented a car, back when I had my episodes weeping in the park after terrible conflicts with the ex. Together they brought me to malaysia, cheered me up bringing me around to shop, talked all the nonsense in the world to make me laugh. And just becaused I said I didnt feel like going back to feel like I want to call the then-bf, they searched for a family hotel and we stayed the night, playing games and laughing ourselves silly.
2 years back remember this friend, driving Dan and I round Singapore and Malaysia to run a bazillion wedding errands, making himself the butt of jokes. And I remembered friends like this was one of the reasons we were still able to smile most of the time despite preparing for a customary wedding that both of us didn't want.
And this particular friend is a friend who ran off during my big day to get another bridal bouquet when my original one was dying. Which I actually didnt care about, but I still lost it at him on my bridezilla day for running off and not being around to help out before the banquet.

A great friend indeed, you'd say and yes i know.

I accepted the fact that each of us are different in nature, that we are different characters with different routes in life. While he was less down to earth, I choose to think at times that maybe with his certified higher intelligence than most, I wouldnt expect him to lead life the way I did with my undetermined level of IQ.

When I couldnt picture how a university student who does not have a rich family backing can afford to think that he need a car and think that he can afford to need one and it "really didnt cost much more than a bike", I voiced out in my usual bossy irritating manner, and only to give up giving advice in the end because of that benefit of doubt that perhaps he really could make it work. and that I should not impose my views.

In the process, I almost ended up being a co-owner of a car i could only afford half - oh yes the other half depended on trust in the other party to be able to pass me his share monthly. And long story short, i only have God and another friend and a very very ethical salesman to retract that signed contract and saved myself from years of financial trouble, because lets face it, we know where it would end.

throughout the years, I allowed many of my advice to fall on deaf ears. largely because I know we can never force advice on anyone, and a small part because I remember the good things this friend did and there was still a smaller part of me, as a friend, also hoping that he can make it.

I lent him money, i asked my husband to lend him money, and never asked for it back because he has been generous with us using his car.

I watch him not valuing a stable teaching job, and heard him speak of his forex dreams. I knew this friend always thought he was meant for something bigger. And when his dreams got too dreamy, I brought Shifu in for someone of high intelligence and high financial status, to deliver the words he needed to hear. that forex is for people with deep pockets

The rest and I saw clearly that a person should not venture into real estate with negative capital. The rest travelled to my ulu house specifically to talk him out of it. With our most fundamental knowledge that a person who has debts should take a stable job with any salary to manage the situation. not going into a job that only boasts potentially high income, possibly probably. but he was still so optimistic. and as usual, we gave up.

In my days of frustration watching him, i moved from lecturing vehemently, cursing in exasperation, to begging Dan to stop me from caring so much or slap me if I ever took it upon myself to scold a hey-esther-he-is-an-adult-and-he-is-older-than-u-so-he-has-his-own-life.

then another friend trusted him with an installment plan funded by his credit card. and he went into hiding while a buddy risks incuring a credit bureu bad record pending a wedding and house preparation. but concurrently, while I was out of the picture of this incident, I was shown a blog of a promising forex investor who was selling the idea of any one of us uninterested-in-forex-but-wanna-earn-money creating accounts, leave the funds and let him trade away. And I read the wise words and quote them as follows:

"Other factors that will lead to you trading profitably include good money management and self-discipline. Good money management will allow you to trade more objectively; you will be psychologically affected if the money you lost was meant for your car installment.

Of course, if you do not have self-discipline, you're bound to fail as well... Thus, I will dare say forex trading is easy, but it may not suit everyone."

those were his words. Concurrently with the mess he got a friend into. and when I confronted him when I learnt of the incident eventually, I was told that the matter was supposed to between the 2 of them.

i.e
its none of my business?
that i should oh, put what you did aside, and see your bright future as a forex trader, n perhaps even start and account with u or introduce others to, as support for a friend?
that i should, out of concern as a friend, trust that you have your life in order and you are ok?

Reading from the top, i wrote "friend" so many times. I dont wish to count.
And along with penning down the above, I have done all I can as a friend. and I should stop feeling guilty for giving up.

My dream , mine

.Mine.

its a dream finally taking baby steps to come true for me. So excited that I could not sleep. An of course you can say that I used a shopping platform, but I know how hard it is to learn all the attributes to set this up. did tonnes of studying on the reading material, making notes of the classifications i need to draft and adhere to so that the navigation can work.
And doing this with my very own hands certainly beats paying $4.8K for someone to do it for me.

I dropped the sweet flora feel and opted for a minimalist chic look
Will announce when it is ready.

Should Sleep now, its 4 am. funny how I am not tired at all though I have been at my computer for hours.