I suffer from night blindess

the inability to see is at its peak when the lights goes off... for a minute or so, i cannot even see a person in front of me. not unless they wear a shirt with glow-in-the-dark words, but then again those shirts might be so old and the words most probably dont glow after the washes..

I have realised the trick... its to look really hard, really hard. then you spot the area with a faint hint of light, probably moonlight spilled in through the gap in the blinds

and you focus, and you wil be able to see

It all depends on whether you want to see your world and crumbling, falling apart, shattering, destroyed

or heave a sigh of relieve at the remaining portions that you are able to retain, even if it is just a grain of something

It is great that God has taught me the need for happiness enough for me to want them for other people

It is great that He has blessed me with the ability to feel sad. so that i learn to recognise pain in others

It is great that He has led me to someone who knows what a smiling Esther really needs. stopping medication for a day, let her down 2 cans of beers, let herself go to cry about how much everything has once hurt her...
to allow her to let go and say how helpless she is despite trying so hard
let her say all the rubbish she wants about how the room is spinning
then hush her and tuck her to sleep...

I asked dan how he knew i needed this


"Just a gut feeling"



I feel so much better. so much better.
Hanging on to faith that this will work out in God's plan.