email

Me:

I just realised i have lost my last remaining strains of faith and liking in the job
like if passion is a flame, the glowing splinter that was there last week has just succumbed to the carbon dioxide that is sibico and all those 马后炮's fart poof! gone!

im going to email _____soon
id see if this is impulsive anger, or is it permanent bitterness
den id tell her what i really feelas objectively as i can
with such an unhealthy mind, i dont know if its in everyone's best interest that i stay
im afraid that the poison will consume me
this is because i worked so damn hard
and this is what i get
fucking load shit of _____ finger pointing, purposeful humiliation masked in "presentation"
u'd understand when u see the slides she want me to amend

if i never worked hard, i'd never have this bitter venom in me right now
i not not only fucking want to cry each time i think about it.
i feel like quitting
otherwise, this feeling will turn into some other strength that is super super not Godly

cos i will fight this war back after a long period of "humble" silence




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Him:

i guess your laoda still does not have the full picture of what you've gone through. Nor the extent of this experience's effect on you. Wonder how she would advise you if you told her. But im sure she would definitely understand. Like i said before, everyone with eyes can see you are overworked. i guess at some point when the passion is lost (for those who come in with it anyway), what replaces it is either numbness / emptiness, or cynicism. For me its cynicism definitely. I guess at this point its the same for you. Together we are the _____Cynics! Sworn to seek out optimistic and naive thinking and smite it to oblivion!!!! And our Arch Enemy being Mistress Red Dot!!!! :)

it certainly is very tempting to quit. I'd feel the same way. Actually i have felt this way on many many occasions. But from a spectators point of view, i still feel you are doing relatively well (minus the letters problem, which is a CHRONIC problem for some of us, and such stuff) Usually when these things happen its not just due to simple factors, but usually a combination of different situations resulting in the outcome. Many of which are beyond our control...or beyond our ability to do so at a certain point in time because of certain constraints placed on us.

I think _______as definitely more plans for you in future, and he is definitely an objective person. Im sure he knows what kind of person _______ is, and the morale busting effects she has on people. I wonder what he will say to you during your "de-briefing" for this case, which he said he would do. My feel is that he doesnt see it as this incident completely overwriting every good you have done since you've been here. I guess if you stay on, you will definitely go further :)


Also, dont forget. You have the support of your friends, ______. All these people i dare say care very much about you and will be there if you need anything.
Not to mention Him, who is always there watching over you. Whatever it is, im sure we can overcome it. Let the bitterness flow through you now because its the dominant emotion, but then step back and pray. Hopefully with His help, it will flow out of you and move on. People who do this to you i.e. ________, will have to reap the rotten fruit of their actions eventually. My guess is she will have plenty to reap, a lot to answer for....This is an idealogy that I have always held fast to and was just discussing with HH just now. He is also a big fan of Karma. You can get through this. You have so many people behind you, as well as divine help.


p.s funny right for a period of time, you were advising me not to quit. Now its my turn :) we both need to support each other and take turns to do this