July

tried looking for a blogskin, but couldnt find any.

July is a month of mixed emotions

Note im typing this on a sunday. because i am really dead tired every other day. this week, i cant say work is killing me. after all, there is that additional one-point-something K im getting as the mid year bonus.
maybe after all, you should really work in the civil service, just not HERE.
we spent the most of this week filming for the entertainment segment of ROSE. it went well, despite having to refilm most of it due to a corrupted file.. Thank God still. as long as we can get it done.
Angie and Dan were so good at their crap on screen. their chemistry is so good that im a lil jealous. but it also mean that the show is going to be a big HIT. so i dont mind.

Its gonna be my baby. Like Dan say, we are going to push the benchmark so high, that the person appointed to be the chairman next year will stand up, pull their hair, and yell "NOOOOOOOOOO"

Im so thankful for Dan, his directing and video - sound skills makes my crap ideas into reality. And his straight-faced black humour
Its his gift, but he claims he is doing this for me. this guy really has his way with words :)

anyway the award segment clip is also half done. the filmed one had the people previewing it in stitches


under construction- but im sooo looking forward to it.


im having so little time with my family.
no energy left to do my brother's revision work.
im making up for everything with money.
terrible

and thanks to that stupid excellence award im getting, i have to go on a course with stupid other people just to get that NATIONAL award
had i known, i would have given the lousiest service in the world. just look at some other aunties in RAU dept, they have gotten away with shouting at customers and still getting long service award.
crap them too. i just snapped at one of the clerks the other day, freaking disrespectful thing.


sigh
i need like an extra battery compartment for an extra battery
help

Str

thoroughly stressed out

Monday ~ again

blogging on my laptop once again. ever since i moved this baby to Dan's, this baby has been devoid of any connection whatsoever, until last saturday, Dan's dad bought a router. (initially they wanted to wait for the new wave of new version routers that would render all existing routers obsolete...
Yay i can finally surf on my zeng-ka-sui-sui lappie again. the under-utilization did bothered me a lil.


Finished Mitch Albom's For One More day. How he manage to do that to his readers all the time, id never know. but it left me nostalgic, and loving my Dad even more.
I can never do enough for him...
Even if i fork out money til im poor now to purchase him little enjoyments...
Picking up the bills and summonses.
Buying him lil gadgets , and having them entice people to break into his car in the middle of the night

I can never do enough.
I want to do more.

sigh~

yeah its another monday ... 567890 other people are whining about their monday blues right now. im glad im not alone.
Id be starting to read this book Dan got me when he was lone browsing at kinokuniya. "Dogs Dont Bite, When a Growl will do"
Flipped it. showed us little stories and examples on what we can learn from the furry ones, how we should be as obsessed about being happy as they are

Dan is so sweet... its nice to know that he is looking out for something nice for me when he could have just been browsing through metal mags, or porn... ahahha

tempted him to buy Maxim that day. He did. the top 100 list series...

im just trying my best to be understanding. but frankly speaking, bf buying maxim does not bother me. cum'on .. depriving him will only drive him to watch porn when u are bathing

happy sigh~

stressed out by upcoming ROSE. esp when i went to take a look at the function hall.


My event, my baby, is taking place here in less than 2 months.

I cant believe it.


So unprepared....

+ one of the bad days+

1.
Chao ONZ new security guard, awed at the powers vested in him, STOPPED me for my staff pass, when Dan was right beside me flashing his, yet this old man could not just let it pass.
and so happened i forgot my pass today. How nice


2.
stupid external, speak-to-ants-yet-long-winded-like-siao-anonymous caller got transferred to my direct line without notification. with my patience wearing thin, while speaking to her and hardly hearing a thing, i missed 2 calls from my dad


3.
called back dad. told me the news. car's window/winscreen got SMASHED in the middle of the night. apparently the cheapskate had his eyes on the bluetooth device i gave him.
Prob too flashy but i did not know people can be THAT cheap.
pls. u can get a full set at $90 outside. what is the point of stealing that device without the charger and stuff, which u cant use anyway.
Like u'd have a car if you are so cheap
and took my dad's cashcard too

My dad did nothing to deserve this. im amazed that he can even joke about it..

sigh

Never mind I dont decide your fate, cheapo! SomeOne else does. and you face Him yourself.
all i can do is not to curse you because this falls in a book SOMEWHERE out there which is not for me to pass a verdict on

You too have a dad.
you should know no one wants their dad to go to their car to see it being smashed up like that

pondering

think this had been a day of deep talking

its probably the job, i realise how i hv never really talked about these things
today is one of the swarovski saturdays that Dan n I need not work. we lazed and had lunch at Mayim, den a long tea session at TCC

besides bitching about work (as usual), talking about the phone whore's next phone purchase, we touched on a lot about our loved ones, lessons in life and most importantly something that struck me-- Finances

Met up with Brudders (of 7 yrs, can u believe it) and had the same talk, trying to convince feiju on the neccessity of financial stability

The topic kinda hit me a few days ago, when jelly told us her fixed deposit is up and she is doing bank shopping. and she has concrete plans with her CPF investments.

well comparatively, im not v well prepared. I have only one savings plan to cover my ass but its supposed to mature only when im old and wrinkled. and a statement by Dan's Dad kept ranging in my head: no matter how hard you save, one disease is enough to wipe it out

so besides cutting down on the MSG intake, we really have a lot to think about. Dan is luckier, being the only child, his dad has guided him well on the investments and stuff. all he has to think about now is whether to increase the amount dedicated to that.. how much to increase. plus he has less bills to worry about and no one else to support. Now he is worrying about saving for our future (hopefully), which i think is really sweet:)

but ME. hey. splurging for the moment, blablabla.
i should do something with the money i have left after paying for bills and random stuff.
should speak to Penny soon, to do some investments
should start some fixed deposit soon

*sigh*

money money money

Mambo nite REVISITED

dun get me wrong because im not some 23 yr ol who has not outgrown chionging...

I know im kinda too old for doing that.. the yawning at 9 or 10pm is enough testimony to that. but upon spotting a Public Holiday falling on a thurs, it leaves having a can-afford-to-stay-up-late wednesday nite being too good to go to waste

Missin the good ol days, Dan, me, laoshu and pigu decided to revisit MAMBO nite. and since Dan gets to go, they brought their bfs along as well. so its like a gals nite out with a dedicated bodyguard each, throughout.

well zouk turned out to be an area of madness, so we changed plans and went to MOS.

Pigu bought a new phone. SE k550i. so this is the night-power trial results of her cybershot camera

The Babes

and my bodyguard! haha. we knew each other dancing, so it feel great to be dancing with him again

No idea why he looked so high

I have the best colleagues in the world!!

u noe

You know you are devoting too much of ur brain to work if you start keying in your office domain password when signing in to home entertainment sites (no i dont mean porn)



sigh.

On a brighter note we held our Stage 1 commencing meeting for the award ceremony. was relieved and glad that the committee members actually came up with pretty good ideas to spice up the event. Im sure this will be a memorable one. unlike past years' 1)Guests seated 2) Opening 3)typical skit 4) Award*yawn*Presentation



this one's gonna be good. HAHA to the successor man. gonna be so stressed when reminded of "THE ONE THAT ESTHER DID" HAR HAR HAR
(just like my xmas event last year, which i am very very proud of)



of course, couldnt have done anything without my gals and Dan. not meaning for it to sound like an oscar winning speech, i really mean it

anticipating... really.



(events' not really what im good at, despite popular belief. but sigh... given and taken, i have to do a good job.
Im going reject them if they ask me to do DnD next year though. come'on! im not some rec com queen.)

Anyway, currently bioing these

1) Palm LifeDrive - will cost me $400 over if i get one

2) Dopod 818- $468

Tech-whore-wannabe

slap me slap me slap me

award!

back from my break to a pleasant surprise

I'm getting a Service Excellence Award for 2006

my first time so im getting the commendable service award. $50 bucks plus a plaque and flashing of my photo on the screen during the award ceremony in July +cringes+

but still.. YAY!

(shhh dont tell anyone i curse the moment they go out of the door)

Spring break ~ continue woo hooping!

Spring break ~ continue woo hooping!

Day 2 : to JB

Had really nice hainanese beef noodles- discovered by Dan's parents. den headed to city square, haven been there for a LONG time. still a very singaporean mall..

Browsed around and bought a really deserving pouch for my Shine

almost RM$50, but who cares

its good looking

Dan and i fooling around at Coffee Bean while waiting for his parents

Attacking into the cake

Fork you?!

Following that, went to some tariff free zone to drink tariff free beer before we went to visit Dan's grandma.. a very sweet grandma, whose first questions to me included "Do u go to church?"

aww

nice dinner, went back to stay for the night, had a nice lil chat with his grandma..

Day 3: Back to SG

happened to be our half-year anniversary. I still consider it a feat to come to this point without quarrelling and still being so thankful to God for each other

+crosses fingers+

Pasta Fresca @ Sixth Avenue- clocked longest serving time ever, but the excellent service makes it hard to be even the slightest bit mad at the waiter who forgot to key in our order (both himself and the manager apologized everytime they passed our table during the wait, and the soup + extra garlic bread- on the house! Not cheapskate but very impressive service recovery. definitely going back)

we had a good meaningful talk about life's lessons. harsh as they may be at the point of suffering, and never knowing when it will be ending, if ever

but it does. look back, and everything falls into place

So in celebration to all the ups and downs in life, that has happened, and will happen...

Here is a we-kay-kiang-ordered large pint of Hoegaarden

In His will, i place my trust

Spring Break~ woo hoop!

I'd call this my spring break.

its TIME.. its TIME

feels so good when my biological alarm went off at like 6/7pm and i say "nah~! who cares?" and go back to sleep

and so good to wake up at 9am and laze around

Planned to eat mac's breakfast with Dan but his mom offered home cooked mee sua soup (with wine n chicken).. awww who could resist?!
and i really like to see Dan making her happy. its hard for an only child, and a mom of an only child..

watched SPIDERMAN3 FOC at 1.50pm (courtesy of LG shine roadshow freebies)
No queue for tix, great seats, no queue for popcorn, almost empty shaw 2 theater all to ourselves

walked around at marks and spencer, bought like 2 cans of winter vege soup and redcurrant puffs (they're so good, i tell u)

had burger with a not v crowded orchard crowd..

went to buy a FFF (for fun fone) for Dan..

ate porridge

now home

NOT TIRED at all. None of the "how many letters have i cleared today?" "how about this ad hoc sheet have i done it?" worries hanging about my head

off to JB tommorow..

I'm so happy, my mind is totally OFF work.
I dont care

My break, my entitlement~

i got my new phone!!

My comfort from all the driven-slave frustrations

metallic body..

autofocus camera.. which means awesome pictures

document viewer too!!

Never mind that it costs me almost 600 bucks.. i promise i will upload more pics!!

why did i even put up with LG chocolate for 6 months?!

if you think you are good at something, there is always someone else better

I suffer from night blindess

the inability to see is at its peak when the lights goes off... for a minute or so, i cannot even see a person in front of me. not unless they wear a shirt with glow-in-the-dark words, but then again those shirts might be so old and the words most probably dont glow after the washes..

I have realised the trick... its to look really hard, really hard. then you spot the area with a faint hint of light, probably moonlight spilled in through the gap in the blinds

and you focus, and you wil be able to see

It all depends on whether you want to see your world and crumbling, falling apart, shattering, destroyed

or heave a sigh of relieve at the remaining portions that you are able to retain, even if it is just a grain of something

It is great that God has taught me the need for happiness enough for me to want them for other people

It is great that He has blessed me with the ability to feel sad. so that i learn to recognise pain in others

It is great that He has led me to someone who knows what a smiling Esther really needs. stopping medication for a day, let her down 2 cans of beers, let herself go to cry about how much everything has once hurt her...
to allow her to let go and say how helpless she is despite trying so hard
let her say all the rubbish she wants about how the room is spinning
then hush her and tuck her to sleep...

I asked dan how he knew i needed this


"Just a gut feeling"



I feel so much better. so much better.
Hanging on to faith that this will work out in God's plan.

My Insatiable Appetite

Barely 4 months upon the purchase of the chioest phone ever, aka LG chocolate (sleek shiny black)


....





Im pondering a trade in for this

Save me from my splurging impulses... all Dan's fault with his gadget ogling habits... somehow staying with such a persons does influence me a wee bit

I heard we are still getting another increment notwithstanding MI

(stifles a giggle of excitement)





Sometimes i love being a civil servant.
Screw you stupid government-lamenting public,
WHATEVER!

++ Clinging to the rough edges ++

Lost my cool today

very not typical of me, the PR queen towards shameless damned cheapskates

Think i responded to that faggot's table banging, f-words throwing with "you behave, or get out"
had to call security. for the second time in my < 1 years job life here.

Guess i just snapped. From a thousand people chasing me for an impossible amount of work. otherwise a grain of chicken shit like him will never even come close to getting me down.

Spent like half an hour weeping in front of Dan after that while my dear pigu lovingly covered my duty despite her humongous pile of work herself

snapped. just snapped.

ironically i received my confirmation today. "Keep up the good work" it says
Good work probably meant me taking on all tasks thrown at me
Being that cheerful (hence can cope with impossible workload) girl everyone thinks i am

What people dont know is, i wake up in the middle of a sunday night, usually awake from a dream of unfinished work, sitting on the bed, visiting the loo, and all i can think of at 12 am is how to maintain the hyperlinks and htm doc for Aik to upload them. how to not mess up the files, the exel sheet databases i went through so much pain to come up with. how to organise the award ceremony of CPD as the chairperson

sucks













dunno how much more of this i cant take


Keep up the good work my ass.

To give a chance

Its funny how God works

Just in the morning i was pretty fed up with her. As her pp team leader i didnt sense her contribution for months. As a fellow colleague i dunno whether she is even trying.

Handed out tasks seem to be untouched. did not see the initiative

as my potential committee member for event im chairing, i fear to even name her as one.

Was so fed up, sent out bland tone email spewing out reminding sentences. Please take a look at bla bla bla and email bla bla bla to bla bla bla and also check on blablabla and get back to me.

Was so impatient, and this close to going straight to my boss to request for her to be out of my team

Lucky God dropped a little reminding drop of water on my head. Ting.

You were so busy feeling angry, you did not even give her a chance

Somehow with 1 hour alone with her in the room, everything made sense.
It cost her a lot of tears to bring out what she has been keeping within her for so long

Somehow i have never been able to picture her world

how to handle coming to work with an entire department who does not want to talk to you
with people whom u know dislike you, your knowledge to the extent of knowing "weird" "cant cope" being used as the adjective to describe you
Having a boss and a mentor so harsh on you
being deemed as less capable
resolving to withdraw and be quiet but yet still hearing things being spoken about you
struggling with tasks deemed as "a breeze" to oters
no one around to help. not knowing who to ask as you dont know what they have been speculating about you
with such immense negativity built on negative thoughts...

Thanks for the lesson dear Father

For what I can do

laments

yeah how can we end a working week without whining

being fluish, hence unproductive.

1)
Boss calls you a leader of a team. Then mock at your efficiency claiming "i give you the members, you must make use of them"

Detecting a fellow AO-drawing salary who does one zillonth of an average AO's task, I swooped to come up with a proposal to justify her pay. Someone who act blur act incapable of doing much without being all stressed up.

Boss asks "isit a lot of work??"

filling up 3 columns of an exel sheet of 8 columns, which is part of a tracking system i spent weeks with the rest of the team to devise up, and me doing the rest of everything, is a lot of work?
For someone getting fewer cases than I am despite not being full fledged yet. no extra tasks
what is she, the Royal Highness?

2)
Pissed with that same act-blur fella.
You can spend time devising idiot proof measures and guides, to hand her vetted stuff which screams detailed, couldnt be more comprehensible instructions
and she can hand them back in a smiley faced email completing only half of it. as if that major part of your work in different-colour ink handwriting was not there to tell her that something needs to be done

great at driving people to "fine-id-just-do-it-myself" extents

Call yourself an NUS grad. Its either you have no brains, or no work ethics


3) pissed cos that precious Frontpage installation and License does not work on my PC. so exclusive eh. only 3 out of a 100+ ppl in our dept gets it.
that just spells more work


4)
Cant stop sarcastic remarks being thrown at me. Just cos she is my boss, i have to take it all with a smile.

"Chairman of Rose 2007... face black black huh" cackles
"waaaa... u fell sick. was it due to the shock of announcing u as Chairman of Rose??"cackles
"Committee for IDG volleyball? later u faint again how???" cackles

If im licensed to kill, i will shoot the cackling daylights out of her

Dreadful 3 years to go.

Leaning on God..


i'm still thanking Him for my sisters and Dan in the workplace. very caringly and lovingly devised methods to lighten my workload. being angry for my circumstances so much that i dont feel as bad anymore

:)

I dont care. Much as she tries my boss aint taking away any of this happiness from me

+ moment of peace +

Am sick (sorethroat evolving into flu.. so typical... its like the germ's SOP)
Am pissed with my boss (reminding myself real hard that God is my master and not her)

But im happy :)
at peace when im with Dan. continuously for like 5 months with no quarrels. never ever thought this was even POSSIBLE in a relationship

He is just so calm... hhaha

Thank you Father, for leading me

++ yet another time of the year ++

A vicious cycle, i suppose

U slog, U get tired of slogging, U contemplate leaving, then the bonuses comes.

This is like the first bonus of the calendar year, the 3rd/4th lovely time of the financial year for me.

Yes Performance Bonus came in. and also announcement of the increment.

So im feeling kinda rich now. so rich that Dan n I decided to stay up late and watch more FRIENDS episodes last night. We dont need sleep, cos we are rich.

haha

Just forget about work. Here are some photos from 2 weeks ago when neither of us had to work and we decided to bring Sugar to the beach for some sun and sand

i found it hard to relate to the enthusiasm i once had for this job

Next month i'd be a one year old PLO
Is my interest span that short?
Or am i too greedy?
too idealistic?

am discouraged by the reality of certain bosses who you once thought was understanding and principled. its hard to accept now that none of those two attributes were even existent

Principled my ass.
Conveniently covering up your part in creating the potential energy of a ticking bomb, then pushed 2 innocent subordinates to cover up the whole thing under
"Service Lapse"
and not even by you

Seeing 2 of your officers walk in together as a suspected couple somehow also reminds you that you will need to work one of them to death.

refusing to respect our rights to private time. private life

If you care to know why im staying
1. The awesome friendship i have with the 2, which i think is out of your realm of comprehension
2. The money. For average income family member like me and many others, the graduity you are offering is the freaking saving grace.


1 year almost down. 3 more years to go.