u noe

You know you are devoting too much of ur brain to work if you start keying in your office domain password when signing in to home entertainment sites (no i dont mean porn)



sigh.

On a brighter note we held our Stage 1 commencing meeting for the award ceremony. was relieved and glad that the committee members actually came up with pretty good ideas to spice up the event. Im sure this will be a memorable one. unlike past years' 1)Guests seated 2) Opening 3)typical skit 4) Award*yawn*Presentation



this one's gonna be good. HAHA to the successor man. gonna be so stressed when reminded of "THE ONE THAT ESTHER DID" HAR HAR HAR
(just like my xmas event last year, which i am very very proud of)



of course, couldnt have done anything without my gals and Dan. not meaning for it to sound like an oscar winning speech, i really mean it

anticipating... really.



(events' not really what im good at, despite popular belief. but sigh... given and taken, i have to do a good job.
Im going reject them if they ask me to do DnD next year though. come'on! im not some rec com queen.)

Anyway, currently bioing these

1) Palm LifeDrive - will cost me $400 over if i get one

2) Dopod 818- $468

Tech-whore-wannabe

slap me slap me slap me

award!

back from my break to a pleasant surprise

I'm getting a Service Excellence Award for 2006

my first time so im getting the commendable service award. $50 bucks plus a plaque and flashing of my photo on the screen during the award ceremony in July +cringes+

but still.. YAY!

(shhh dont tell anyone i curse the moment they go out of the door)

Spring break ~ continue woo hooping!

Spring break ~ continue woo hooping!

Day 2 : to JB

Had really nice hainanese beef noodles- discovered by Dan's parents. den headed to city square, haven been there for a LONG time. still a very singaporean mall..

Browsed around and bought a really deserving pouch for my Shine

almost RM$50, but who cares

its good looking

Dan and i fooling around at Coffee Bean while waiting for his parents

Attacking into the cake

Fork you?!

Following that, went to some tariff free zone to drink tariff free beer before we went to visit Dan's grandma.. a very sweet grandma, whose first questions to me included "Do u go to church?"

aww

nice dinner, went back to stay for the night, had a nice lil chat with his grandma..

Day 3: Back to SG

happened to be our half-year anniversary. I still consider it a feat to come to this point without quarrelling and still being so thankful to God for each other

+crosses fingers+

Pasta Fresca @ Sixth Avenue- clocked longest serving time ever, but the excellent service makes it hard to be even the slightest bit mad at the waiter who forgot to key in our order (both himself and the manager apologized everytime they passed our table during the wait, and the soup + extra garlic bread- on the house! Not cheapskate but very impressive service recovery. definitely going back)

we had a good meaningful talk about life's lessons. harsh as they may be at the point of suffering, and never knowing when it will be ending, if ever

but it does. look back, and everything falls into place

So in celebration to all the ups and downs in life, that has happened, and will happen...

Here is a we-kay-kiang-ordered large pint of Hoegaarden

In His will, i place my trust

Spring Break~ woo hoop!

I'd call this my spring break.

its TIME.. its TIME

feels so good when my biological alarm went off at like 6/7pm and i say "nah~! who cares?" and go back to sleep

and so good to wake up at 9am and laze around

Planned to eat mac's breakfast with Dan but his mom offered home cooked mee sua soup (with wine n chicken).. awww who could resist?!
and i really like to see Dan making her happy. its hard for an only child, and a mom of an only child..

watched SPIDERMAN3 FOC at 1.50pm (courtesy of LG shine roadshow freebies)
No queue for tix, great seats, no queue for popcorn, almost empty shaw 2 theater all to ourselves

walked around at marks and spencer, bought like 2 cans of winter vege soup and redcurrant puffs (they're so good, i tell u)

had burger with a not v crowded orchard crowd..

went to buy a FFF (for fun fone) for Dan..

ate porridge

now home

NOT TIRED at all. None of the "how many letters have i cleared today?" "how about this ad hoc sheet have i done it?" worries hanging about my head

off to JB tommorow..

I'm so happy, my mind is totally OFF work.
I dont care

My break, my entitlement~

i got my new phone!!

My comfort from all the driven-slave frustrations

metallic body..

autofocus camera.. which means awesome pictures

document viewer too!!

Never mind that it costs me almost 600 bucks.. i promise i will upload more pics!!

why did i even put up with LG chocolate for 6 months?!

if you think you are good at something, there is always someone else better

I suffer from night blindess

the inability to see is at its peak when the lights goes off... for a minute or so, i cannot even see a person in front of me. not unless they wear a shirt with glow-in-the-dark words, but then again those shirts might be so old and the words most probably dont glow after the washes..

I have realised the trick... its to look really hard, really hard. then you spot the area with a faint hint of light, probably moonlight spilled in through the gap in the blinds

and you focus, and you wil be able to see

It all depends on whether you want to see your world and crumbling, falling apart, shattering, destroyed

or heave a sigh of relieve at the remaining portions that you are able to retain, even if it is just a grain of something

It is great that God has taught me the need for happiness enough for me to want them for other people

It is great that He has blessed me with the ability to feel sad. so that i learn to recognise pain in others

It is great that He has led me to someone who knows what a smiling Esther really needs. stopping medication for a day, let her down 2 cans of beers, let herself go to cry about how much everything has once hurt her...
to allow her to let go and say how helpless she is despite trying so hard
let her say all the rubbish she wants about how the room is spinning
then hush her and tuck her to sleep...

I asked dan how he knew i needed this


"Just a gut feeling"



I feel so much better. so much better.
Hanging on to faith that this will work out in God's plan.

My Insatiable Appetite

Barely 4 months upon the purchase of the chioest phone ever, aka LG chocolate (sleek shiny black)


....





Im pondering a trade in for this

Save me from my splurging impulses... all Dan's fault with his gadget ogling habits... somehow staying with such a persons does influence me a wee bit

I heard we are still getting another increment notwithstanding MI

(stifles a giggle of excitement)





Sometimes i love being a civil servant.
Screw you stupid government-lamenting public,
WHATEVER!

++ Clinging to the rough edges ++

Lost my cool today

very not typical of me, the PR queen towards shameless damned cheapskates

Think i responded to that faggot's table banging, f-words throwing with "you behave, or get out"
had to call security. for the second time in my < 1 years job life here.

Guess i just snapped. From a thousand people chasing me for an impossible amount of work. otherwise a grain of chicken shit like him will never even come close to getting me down.

Spent like half an hour weeping in front of Dan after that while my dear pigu lovingly covered my duty despite her humongous pile of work herself

snapped. just snapped.

ironically i received my confirmation today. "Keep up the good work" it says
Good work probably meant me taking on all tasks thrown at me
Being that cheerful (hence can cope with impossible workload) girl everyone thinks i am

What people dont know is, i wake up in the middle of a sunday night, usually awake from a dream of unfinished work, sitting on the bed, visiting the loo, and all i can think of at 12 am is how to maintain the hyperlinks and htm doc for Aik to upload them. how to not mess up the files, the exel sheet databases i went through so much pain to come up with. how to organise the award ceremony of CPD as the chairperson

sucks













dunno how much more of this i cant take


Keep up the good work my ass.

To give a chance

Its funny how God works

Just in the morning i was pretty fed up with her. As her pp team leader i didnt sense her contribution for months. As a fellow colleague i dunno whether she is even trying.

Handed out tasks seem to be untouched. did not see the initiative

as my potential committee member for event im chairing, i fear to even name her as one.

Was so fed up, sent out bland tone email spewing out reminding sentences. Please take a look at bla bla bla and email bla bla bla to bla bla bla and also check on blablabla and get back to me.

Was so impatient, and this close to going straight to my boss to request for her to be out of my team

Lucky God dropped a little reminding drop of water on my head. Ting.

You were so busy feeling angry, you did not even give her a chance

Somehow with 1 hour alone with her in the room, everything made sense.
It cost her a lot of tears to bring out what she has been keeping within her for so long

Somehow i have never been able to picture her world

how to handle coming to work with an entire department who does not want to talk to you
with people whom u know dislike you, your knowledge to the extent of knowing "weird" "cant cope" being used as the adjective to describe you
Having a boss and a mentor so harsh on you
being deemed as less capable
resolving to withdraw and be quiet but yet still hearing things being spoken about you
struggling with tasks deemed as "a breeze" to oters
no one around to help. not knowing who to ask as you dont know what they have been speculating about you
with such immense negativity built on negative thoughts...

Thanks for the lesson dear Father

For what I can do

laments

yeah how can we end a working week without whining

being fluish, hence unproductive.

1)
Boss calls you a leader of a team. Then mock at your efficiency claiming "i give you the members, you must make use of them"

Detecting a fellow AO-drawing salary who does one zillonth of an average AO's task, I swooped to come up with a proposal to justify her pay. Someone who act blur act incapable of doing much without being all stressed up.

Boss asks "isit a lot of work??"

filling up 3 columns of an exel sheet of 8 columns, which is part of a tracking system i spent weeks with the rest of the team to devise up, and me doing the rest of everything, is a lot of work?
For someone getting fewer cases than I am despite not being full fledged yet. no extra tasks
what is she, the Royal Highness?

2)
Pissed with that same act-blur fella.
You can spend time devising idiot proof measures and guides, to hand her vetted stuff which screams detailed, couldnt be more comprehensible instructions
and she can hand them back in a smiley faced email completing only half of it. as if that major part of your work in different-colour ink handwriting was not there to tell her that something needs to be done

great at driving people to "fine-id-just-do-it-myself" extents

Call yourself an NUS grad. Its either you have no brains, or no work ethics


3) pissed cos that precious Frontpage installation and License does not work on my PC. so exclusive eh. only 3 out of a 100+ ppl in our dept gets it.
that just spells more work


4)
Cant stop sarcastic remarks being thrown at me. Just cos she is my boss, i have to take it all with a smile.

"Chairman of Rose 2007... face black black huh" cackles
"waaaa... u fell sick. was it due to the shock of announcing u as Chairman of Rose??"cackles
"Committee for IDG volleyball? later u faint again how???" cackles

If im licensed to kill, i will shoot the cackling daylights out of her

Dreadful 3 years to go.

Leaning on God..


i'm still thanking Him for my sisters and Dan in the workplace. very caringly and lovingly devised methods to lighten my workload. being angry for my circumstances so much that i dont feel as bad anymore

:)

I dont care. Much as she tries my boss aint taking away any of this happiness from me

+ moment of peace +

Am sick (sorethroat evolving into flu.. so typical... its like the germ's SOP)
Am pissed with my boss (reminding myself real hard that God is my master and not her)

But im happy :)
at peace when im with Dan. continuously for like 5 months with no quarrels. never ever thought this was even POSSIBLE in a relationship

He is just so calm... hhaha

Thank you Father, for leading me

++ yet another time of the year ++

A vicious cycle, i suppose

U slog, U get tired of slogging, U contemplate leaving, then the bonuses comes.

This is like the first bonus of the calendar year, the 3rd/4th lovely time of the financial year for me.

Yes Performance Bonus came in. and also announcement of the increment.

So im feeling kinda rich now. so rich that Dan n I decided to stay up late and watch more FRIENDS episodes last night. We dont need sleep, cos we are rich.

haha

Just forget about work. Here are some photos from 2 weeks ago when neither of us had to work and we decided to bring Sugar to the beach for some sun and sand

i found it hard to relate to the enthusiasm i once had for this job

Next month i'd be a one year old PLO
Is my interest span that short?
Or am i too greedy?
too idealistic?

am discouraged by the reality of certain bosses who you once thought was understanding and principled. its hard to accept now that none of those two attributes were even existent

Principled my ass.
Conveniently covering up your part in creating the potential energy of a ticking bomb, then pushed 2 innocent subordinates to cover up the whole thing under
"Service Lapse"
and not even by you

Seeing 2 of your officers walk in together as a suspected couple somehow also reminds you that you will need to work one of them to death.

refusing to respect our rights to private time. private life

If you care to know why im staying
1. The awesome friendship i have with the 2, which i think is out of your realm of comprehension
2. The money. For average income family member like me and many others, the graduity you are offering is the freaking saving grace.


1 year almost down. 3 more years to go.

All my energy..
is being put into keeping my sanity in this workplace

+ How is your job? +

To one of the few people i rarely converse with, a cordial catching up on msn when she asked me the typical "How is your job?" question.

Not so shocking, my reply to her


Mambo no. 7.... says:
i'm with spore life saving society

Mambo no. 7.... says:
same, i told u right

++ GoonDoo + says:
yup

Mambo no. 7.... says:
non-profit organisation

++ GoonDoo + says:
meaningful?

++ GoonDoo + says:
mine is an all profit organisation

++ GoonDoo + says:
both monetary terms and physical labour terms

++ GoonDoo + says:
they wun let go until they squeeze the last cent out of people and the last breath out of their workers


That is probably what i will ever perceive of my job from now on.

Today i realised

- that boss has lost that last piece of respect that i had left for her. incidentally, by not respecting her employee's right to a personal life at 7+pm.

- that you cannot stop word from spreading no matter how hard you try

- that being on top of the charts does not matter anymore

- that even if i did my best like the best performer ever, i will still be exposed to her crap

- that i have to tolerate having idiots throwing crap at me without self-awareness. I used to detest ppl who lack self awareness. i couldnt stand them. but now i know, i have to live with them being around me every single working day, so id take it


I also realised

that all these made me so thankful to God for

- my wonderful sisters... laoshu pigu jelly and sa tours. inconvenienced them so much sometimes because they have to help hide my r/s

- Dan, for being there to help me retain my sanity.

+Management Tactics REVEALED +

yesterday, our unit held this briefing after massive team reshuffling, new roles allocated, new "point system" implemented...
Point of briefing to all, presenting the hierachy (kindly termed as the organisation chart) and introducing our new point system that holds a striking resemblance to the BETA system we had back in our secondary school days

Back in schools the management was blatant and blunt. MISBEHAVE AND WE WILL GIVE DEMERIT POINTS. ACCUMULATE THEM AND WE WILL SEE YOUR PARENTS. MORE OF YOUR CRAP AND A WHACKING ON THE ASS FOR YOU IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL.

Now we have something which, quoting Iron lady
"is implemented because due to the nature of our jobs, it is hard and almost impossible to get external compliments"
"this is an additional bonus for us to show our appreciation for your work"
"a chance to obtain recognition, and give due credit"
" encouraging us to lead healthy lifestyles"

Ok so with light champagne and caviar cakes, what we have now is this bonus point earning system
- team with no latecomers for the month - 6 bonus points
- team with no service lapses - 6 bonus points
- team handling most cases - 12 bonus points
- team attaining service standards for 99% of the month - 12 bonus points
- team with no mc or urgent leave taken - 6 bonus points

WOW!!!!

what the fuck. come on... Let realism translates the rules
- team with no latecomers for the month - 6 bonus points - IT MEANS NO LATECOMING, IF NOT YOU DONT GET POINTS. YOU LOSE!
- team with no service lapses - 6 bonus points - BETTER WATCH YOUR BURNING ASS AND COVER IT. ONCE DISCOVERED YOU FORGOT TO TOGGLE THAT SCREEN RESULTING IN LOSERS CRYING TO MAMA, YOU LOSE!
- team handling most cases - 12 bonus points - PULL UP YOUR SOCKS AND TAKE MORE CASES!
- team attaining service standards for 99% of the month - 12 bonus points - WATCH YOUR TIMING. NO TOILET BREAK DURING DUTIES, COS WE ARE WATCHING!
- team with no mc or urgent leave taken - 6 bonus points - HEALTHY LIFESTYLE MY ASS. TAKE MORE MC AND YOU'D GET IT FROM ME

(soon, they'll probably implement chopping fingers for taking maternity leave "we are lightening your burden"....)

So after the nice pep talk, dep sup asked all AOs to stay and made us watch a 10 min excerpt from Gladiator. and made us try to give smart analysis of the conversation between the King and Maximus...

Supposedly, he wanted us to go and think this question
WHY AM I HERE?
(aka.. finding your purpose)

----
Dan sent out a fantastic critical review of the clip via email to a bunch of us. Hats off to his cynicism...



Dear all,

Watching the 10 min clip yesterday put me in a very thoughtful mood. Upon reaching my humble abode, i proceeded to meditate on the discourse that was exchanged between the 2 protagonists and have arrived at a revelation. I hereby present to you Gladiator - An in-depth ANALysis

Despite the relatively short length of the clip, we can deduce the following: That the entire exchange between Marcus and Maximus was basically one between a boss and a subordinate...i.e. a PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL. We see that Maximus has just come back from the front lines weary but victorious to an audience with Marcus (kudos to Marcus's efficiency, the man doesnt waste any time). Nearing the end of the exchange we see Marcus asking Maximus if he was willing to be the Protector of Rome upon his death. In otherwords, Maximus was to be promoted to TEAM LEADER of Rome. Obviously, Maximus has proved his valour and competence as a general in the past wars, hence Marcus firmly believed that he was ready to TAKE ON MORE RESPONSIBILITIES.

From the clip, we know that Marcus is a cunning manipulator of men. In the middle of the clip, Maximus claimed that he has thousands of soldiers critically wounded from the recent battle, with thousands more who would not last the night. He commented with passion that these soldiers, like Marcus himself, fought for the ideal of ROME. Yet many of these brave men have never been to Rome, and would probably never get to see it in their lifetime (postcards weren't invented yet). Despite this small fact, they were prepared to sacrifice themselves in order to fulfill Marcus's will. They were completely taken in by Marcus. These brave men not only helped Marcus to accomplish his vision, but also had the consideration to help him CUT COSTS by dying so that Marcus would not need to waste food or medical supplies to keep them alive.

To be fair, credit does go to Marcus for his management skills. He was constantly in control and leading Maximus thoughout the entire conversation. Yet Maximus apparently did not notice. Why? Because Marcus was a master of communication skills. Lets have a look at their exchange:

Maximus: You called for me Ceasar?

Marcus: Yes, come, sit.....let us talk together...simply as men
(see what he was doing here, he was giving Maximus a false sense of security....knowing full well that he has to put him at ease before he pops the big question)

Marcus: Tell me about your home....
(Marcus was using the popular tactic of PRETENDING TO CARE, which was designed to instill a false sense of comfort in the listener. This tactic is very effective and goes way way back to the time the first caveman set up his business to sell clothes, which consisted of leaves from random plants held together by grass, and hired his fellow cavefolk to help him. As there was no PERFORMANCE BONUS or APPRAISAL SYSTEM back then, this method was the only way the caveman could get his employees to do what he wanted)

Marcus: You do not accept this great honour that i have given you?

Maximus: With all my heart no....

Marcus: Maximus, that is precisely why it must be you!!
(This is another popular strategy. By emphasizing his importance, Marcus is giving Maximus the impression that there is no one else in this world who can do the job except him. People with excessive EGO development would fall for this easy. Incidentally, this is also the same tactic used in the pre-flight briefings of Kamikaze pilots, or the pre-mission briefings of suicide bombers)

From the above, we can see that there is a lot that we can learn from our fellow man. Both in terms of management skills, as well as human behaviour. But the most important part of life is having a sense of humour.....if we can't even laugh at ourselves or the things around us that constantly affect us.....then it won't be long before we're put in a cell with padded walls. By then, we'll definitely be lauging alright.....but there will be no one to laugh with you.

--------

this just became my favorite email of the year.
So proud of him...

im just glad for his presence in the midst of all these crap. Being bitter together seemed to make it alright somehow...

+Perth Pictures+

Our Perth Trip last month...

Arrived late so went Kings Park

FREEZING at night.. but beautiful

the morning after (aha)

Taking the train to Fremantle

Peace.. its just the submarine..

2 very happy people...

Dan's Proud Picture of the DAY... Taa Daaaa...







the RAYS are captured..

Back at the station , we realized Dan is a criminal in Perth

dan is horrified

But! He got to meet up with his old time friends who livened up the fav 3 years of his life..

very ancient-flavored...

Check out the sign we saw...


Malaysians, dont be mad, but... Kuala LumPAR!!!!!

ahhhahahahah

More visiting places... finally got warm enough to take off my sweater..

Okieee thats it for 5 days in Perth...

Loved it!

+Feburary the Fourteenth+

i know in the next 24 hours, the blogsphere wil probably experience a flurry of activity...

the happily attached brogging (brag-blogging) about their vday harvest
"Dearie sent flowers to my office! I love him!!!"
" A restaurant that uses rose-petal-made paper napkins! He spent so much!"
" He sang for me... it sounded terrible but i was so touched i cried..."
" He proposed!"

Or the singles brogging (brat-blogging) about what seems to be the stupidest day on earth
"stupid people buy flowers. they dont know that the far east flora conglomerate is laughing at them while stuffing stacks of Yusof Ishak notes into their pockets"
"$400 for 2 plates of steaks over a candle flame? that is the fastest way ive seen $400 turn into pieces of faeces"


Time for the estherical share of vday sentiments, eh?
;)
I cant really decide which side i am on.

Few things to know about me:
- cant spell Feburary for nuts.
- used to be this typical girl with girlish dream of the romantic prince. thought it was absolutely vital that my bf get me flowers on vday. not on the 15th when they go on discount. not on the 13th when the roses have yet to bloom.
thought it would be beautiful if someone has the heart to get me that every year.
and thought how it would be absolutely perfect if he will spend the time and money to bring me to a fancy restaurant...
asks how others' vday went so i could convince myself how much my partner loves me

a typical girl. note the choice of word: GIRL

until a certain 14th Feb when it struck me that the same person who buys you flowers faithfully each valentines, who books a fancy meal and a nice hotel room for the occasion, can also be the very same person who does not even acknowledges your basic right to respect.

This 14th Feb, im thankful for that last 14th Feb

:)

I've learnt the joy in simplicity. I've learnt what are the things that really matter.
I've got what i wanted, and I'm really happy.

Even though my boss decided to pep talk me into 7pm on a valentine's day to talk about work performance
Even though it was overall negative
Even though there was no fancy dinners, no flowers...

I am happy. Truly Happy


:)

Thank you